I'M ALIVE!!!

I've made it through my first 6 days of the MTC! So much has happened in these past 6 days and I honestly don't even know where to begin.

First off, dis place ain't NO joke. It is HARDDDD. I'm constantly tired and working every second of every day. It's cray... the only time I am not working is when I'm sleeping at night, but even then I am working because I'll wake up and my mind will start running again. For example, I woke up in the middle of the night and as soon as my eyes opened I was like.... "I've gotta plan the week tomorrow, I have another lesson to teach, etc etc." It is only through God's grace that I am able to fall back asleep and rest peacefully.

My companion's name is Elder Bly. We couldn't be more different. But that's okay. I am training myself to see him through God's eyes. He has such a tender spirit and keeps me on track when it comes to being on time. He's definitely more responsible than I am. He even taught me how to sew the hole in my pants today! He is definitely very service oriented. And he is always a gentleman. When I'm starving and ready for dinner I will just charge into that cafeteria to turn around and see Elder Bly holding the door open for sisters that were walking behind us. Glad somebody doesn't just care about himself when it's time to grub out!

It's not only hard to adjust merging personalities, but to have any companion in general. I am not used to being side by side somebody literally 24/7. I'll be like pops when we used to go on bike rides. I'll just keep on going without looking back and realize my companion is nowhere in site! Whoops. I'll start low key freaking out because one of the biggest rules is to always have your companion within "sight and sound". We both struggle from time to time but we're learning!

Thursday night Elder Bly and I were called as Zone leaders! I feel so honored and blessed to be assigned to this calling. We are in charge of overseeing 4 districts filled with Elders and Sisters. We are to lead, teach, and be examples for all of these missionaries. These missionaries make up our whole branch and are amazing! While I've been zone leader for only a short time, I have seen the blessings brought forth already. I've grown spiritually and realized lots more than what I knew before.

Our branch presidency and teachers are incredible. The branch presidency is made up of men that were all previously stake presidents (just to give you an idea of how seasoned they really are)! They are definitely men of God and have each inspired me to grow and become a strong missionary. Brother Harding (one of the counselors) inspired me with this counsel:

"Missionary work is very hard work and can be discouraging at times, but when you pay attention to all the times you have felt the spirit, it outweighs all of the other negative feelings you have previously had".

I can testify that this is true. We all know I am a crier and I have cried due to the power of the spirit every day I've been here. Not gonna lie, the first night I cried due to being overwhelemed (dat nasty painful cry) but after that I have been totally okay!

Elder Bly and I are currently teaching an "investigator" (an actor) and are about to begin teaching another one tonight. Talk about the hardest thing of my life. When you do EVERYTHING in your power to receive revelation (and you do) then you go into a lesson and it goes horribly because the investigator falls asleep on you due to not feeling anything at all, you just want to give up. The feeling is like trying to break through a bullet proof wall. You want your investigator to feel what you feel and be touched by the spirit, but they have this wall up that is hard to break down. But I've learned that what they feel is not in my control. I don't delegate who can receive the promptings of the spirit, only the Lord can. If I do everything in my power, that's all I can do. I care about my investigators and want them to feel of the love our Savior has for him, but he hasn't felt it yet. I think about my investigator all the time and pray for strength. Tonight we are about to tackle teaching another investigator who is an Orthodox Christian (we are given a bio before we go in). I hope and pray we can allow him to feel that we love him and want him to grow upon his faith and become stronger in Christ, not feel like he has been wrong his whole life. He has some insecurities that we will have to work out. Please pray for Elder Bly and I as we undergo our teaching tonight.

My district is really great. We are all different but are beginning to bond and come close as a group. The other two Elders that are in Elder Bly and I's district is Elders Snider and Higashi. They are great elders! We stay together in the same room, attend all of our classes together, and basically see each other 95% of the day. The only time Elder Bly and I split from them is if we have leadership meetings, different responsibilities, etc. I know you are all praying for me daily and I am so grateful. I feel of your prayers and know you are all with me in spirit. I know you don't know these elders I am working with but please pray for Elder Bly, Elder Snider, and Elder Higashi as well.

The greatest thing I've learned here at the MTC is this:

It is NOT about ME.

As missionaries we have the opportunity and blessing of watching certain talks from apostles that nobody else gets to see. Last night I watched a talk given by David A. Bednar on the character of Christ. Ohhh my goodness... talk about an eye opener.

Elder Bednar changed my perspective. He talked about how when everybody crucified Christ, Christ was still serving them and loving them even more.

"Father, forgive them, they know not what they do."

That phrase itself has a new meaning for me. He loved until the second He passed. Missionary work is very much the same. Elder Bednar taught that we need to look outward, not inward. I have been so selfish. "I hope I feel the spirit, I hope the MTC is great for me, I hope I have an awesome companion". Yeah, no. It's not about me anymore! It doesn't matter how I feel! It doesn't matter that lessons don't go good in my eyes... anything that has to do with me doesn't matter. Why? Because my responsibility as a missionary is to care about everybody but myself. The Lord takes care of me during this time, not me.

What Elder Bednar continued to teach was that the only way we become converted to Christ is by serving others, putting off the natural man, and giving it our all the our Heavenly Father. That's how it works. You become converted when you aren't trying to be. You only become converted when you are trying to convert others... my testimony and growth will be as a result of the amount of work I put into loving and serving those around me.

60% of missionaries become inactive years after they serve their missions. Elder Bednar taught that this is because they weren't fully converted. If you are fully converted and give your ALL to Christ, you will never fall away. Yes, they have powerful testimonies, I'm sure, but they weren't fully converted to Christ.

This made me realize that my conversion to Christ isn't complete. It's something we must progress towards every single day of our lives. Missionary work is the best two years because it's some of the hardest two years! Our confidence will be shaken, we will naturally desire disobedience, and will experience pain and hurt beyond belief. The only way we will EVER overcome all of those things is by continually dwelling in Christ.

I love you all and miss you SOO much! I know I always say that but that's because it's true. As I've been emailing I wish I could just hear your voices and see your faces. Continue to pray daily for the Lord's strength. Pray for those I am teaching and serving. Pray for all the other missionaries currently serving. They need the continued support of all.

I will write you each individually as time permits! I can only write and email on P-days. I will try to reach each of you as best I can. You are all my number one priority so if anybody else writes/emails, I will be grateful, but I probably won't get back to them for awhile.

Once again I love you all! I will talk to you next week. Enjoy the pics and have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING here in UTAH! I'm freezing my booty off so dress real warm mom, dad, and Josh!

Thank you for being the bestest family in the world!

Love,

Elder Catchatoorian